“The Sisterhood”, an organization against domestic violence is on Facebook. They write a lot about it and everything is so relevant to what Linda went through with her loser of a husband. Another thing I found out is that he abused his first wife too. She was so afraid of him that she moved and didn’t tell him where she lived. She had to fight him for child support and, of course, Linda paid all his legal fees AND the child support because he wasn’t working. His family knew what a loser he was, how he abused his first wife, his drug abuse, his propensity for violence – and they never said a word. His step-father is a retired cop for God's sake, he should have done something.  The idiot's police record speaks for itself – assaults – but the police never took that into consideration when he was lying to them saying that Linda hit him. The saddest part is that his family knew what he was and had a chance to get him help. Maybe they were afraid of him, but that wasn’t a good excuse to put Linda and the kids’ lives on the line, not to mention any innocent victims who might have been in the way. It was Linda’s problem as far as they were concerned. God I wish I knew what was going on. Linda just wanted me to think everything was fine. She wanted to “fix” it herself.
This is what these losers put you through – this is what Linda went through. His family believed him and blamed Linda too, so she was up against them on top of all her other problems.
-Falsely accusing you of being the abuser (he would hit her and then run to the neighbor’s house and say Linda hit him and he’d call the police. And guess what? The police believed him!)

-Yelling and Screaming (the kids still have nightmares of him screaming at Linda).

-Unwarranted Accusations (he told the kids she was a “slut.” He told everyone else she was cheating on him (even though they were separated and the divorce papers pending). Meanwhile, he had a 16 year old girlfriend but that was ok.

-Ignoring your feelings or making fun of them (he actually told her that anyone can become an R.N., it wasn’t anything special, that even HE could do it. What a joke.)

-Isolation from your friends or family (He kept breaking the phones and stealing her cell phone).

-Stealing, destroying, selling or giving away things that are important to you. (He would come into the house and make it look like a break-in and take her mortgage money and the kids’ food money. He took their TV and stereo. He even took the kids’ Christmas gifts! His family still had them after he killed my sister on January 22nd. How do they live with themselves?
This is by no means everything – there is so much more I can write. All in due time. Linda’s life could have been saved by the only people who knew the truth, but they were too busy going to AC, having parties and dinners, and staying as far away as they could from that freak she called a son.

There is one....

Everything underneath the skyline
From the east side to the west
Of the lives I've lived and those I've known
There is one I've loved the best

-John Waite

“Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward.”

Victim or Hero?

"What if the word victim could be redefined into something closer to hero, recognizing that the path some have tread will spare others from the same?"

If Linda's story will spare others from suffering her fate, maybe that was her purpose in this life. That, and all the people she helped during her career as a nurse.

"From where each goes, others learn."

New Old Dog

Well, we took the plunge again and got a dog. It wasn't easy after my Akita, Abigail died last year. I just felt it was time. We went to a rescue on Staten Island called P.L.U.T.O. (Pet Lovers United Together as One). They usually set up a mobile shelter outside of Petco and, after we got home from summer vacation, we (well, I) decided to go pay them a visit. I had been there months before by myself just to check it out and I wasn't impressed. I saw a dog that I thought would be good for the kids, no great woop. I put in an application and never heard back from them. This time, when got out of the car and walked up to the store, I saw him - THE ONE, the Big Woop. I said out loud, "There's my dog!" He is a Dachchund/Basset Hound mix. He was a little overweight, no a lot overweight (he slimmed down and is a fit fido now). He is cute as a button. The kids sat and played with him while I filled out the application and I didn't have any expectations as we left (remembering my last visit). That night, we got a call and a visit from the PLUTO people and the next day we picked up Tybo. I call him Tiberius. It feels like he's always been with us. He's my hot water bottle at night and a companion to us during the day. He sits by me where ever I am (like now) and loves taking walks. Funny dog. Very verbal too, and the best part is he's HOUSEBROKEN. It's all good.

Meeting Alice, Saying Goodbye.

I remember meeting Alice for the first time. It was a dinner at Canlon's celebrating her anniversary. I was the "new girl" and so nervous. She came in and smiled at me, sat down next to me and took my hand. I felt like I knew her forever. There was something about her that was indescribable, a "lightness of being," - something about her smile and the way she looked right into your eyes when she talked to you. I used to say that she was lucky to have a son like him but now I know that he was lucky to have a mother like her.

No comment....

I never get any comments on my posts and I'm happy about that. That means nobody is reading them, or if they are, they don't care enough to comment. I guess all these things that have happened to me in the past 9 years really don't mean much in the grand scheme of things. I've seen so many people so much worse off and I feel sad for everyone else. I've been quite lucky in spite of what it looks like. I have a great husband/partner who does whatever he can to make me comfortable and happy. For 7 years before that I had a room mate that was like Felix Unger and made sure our living conditions were nice (as long as I provided the house, credit and allowed him to do whatever he wanted in his "secret life"). When I realized that I wanted more than a room mate, I moved on and found someone wonderful although I wasn't looking. That's always the way, isn't it? I still can't face the death of Linda. I haven't been able to even think about it without feeling like I'm falling into a pit of darkness. I am trying to undo the damage done to her children but I fear the long-term effects - it's OK now but what about when they grow up and the reality of what their scumbag father did to their mother becomes part of their "life story." What a legacy the scumbag left. What's bad is that everyone knew he was a scumbag - his mother, his family, his ex-wife. Linda fell into the trap of hope - she had so much hope that her life would get better. She had so much hope that her husband would be better. She had so much hope that her family would be better. None of it got better. She was attacked from all sides and was beaten down, helpless. Even then, when I talked to her, she would say everything was ok and she had hopes that her life would get better. I can only hope that there is a justice down the road that will come for Linda's kids. I have more than hope, I know it is on it's way.

Black Gloves and Lies

Oh, Susan, you were clued in
you knew just how this thing would go
a prognosis that was hopeless
from the very first domino

I guess I see it all in hindsight
I tried to keep perspective
despitethe flash of the fuse, the smell of cordite

Now I'm in that place again
and I know he can't come in to get me
and someday he will live to regret me
Susan, I can see it now

Oh, Susan--they get to me
they can really be wearying
but he threw me rope and buoy
let me use his decoder ring

there must have been some kind of parade
we kissed for a while to see how it played
and pulled the pin on another grenade

Now I'm in that place again
and I know he can't come in to get me
and someday he will live to regret me
Susan, I can see it now

Oh, Susan, the hope of fusion
is that the halo will reappear
it may be pure illusion
but it's beautiful while it's here

I had some trouble with the goodbye
I checked my Roman candle supply
and watched the vapor trail in the sky

But I'm in that place again
and I know he can't come in to get me
and someday he will live to regret me
Susan, I can see it now

-A. Mann