No comment....

I never get any comments on my posts and I'm happy about that. That means nobody is reading them, or if they are, they don't care enough to comment. I guess all these things that have happened to me in the past 9 years really don't mean much in the grand scheme of things. I've seen so many people so much worse off and I feel sad for everyone else. I've been quite lucky in spite of what it looks like. I have a great husband/partner who does whatever he can to make me comfortable and happy. For 7 years before that I had a room mate that was like Felix Unger and made sure our living conditions were nice (as long as I provided the house, credit and allowed him to do whatever he wanted in his "secret life"). When I realized that I wanted more than a room mate, I moved on and found someone wonderful although I wasn't looking. That's always the way, isn't it? I still can't face the death of Linda. I haven't been able to even think about it without feeling like I'm falling into a pit of darkness. I am trying to undo the damage done to her children but I fear the long-term effects - it's OK now but what about when they grow up and the reality of what their scumbag father did to their mother becomes part of their "life story." What a legacy the scumbag left. What's bad is that everyone knew he was a scumbag - his mother, his family, his ex-wife. Linda fell into the trap of hope - she had so much hope that her life would get better. She had so much hope that her husband would be better. She had so much hope that her family would be better. None of it got better. She was attacked from all sides and was beaten down, helpless. Even then, when I talked to her, she would say everything was ok and she had hopes that her life would get better. I can only hope that there is a justice down the road that will come for Linda's kids. I have more than hope, I know it is on it's way.

Black Gloves and Lies

Oh, Susan, you were clued in
you knew just how this thing would go
a prognosis that was hopeless
from the very first domino

I guess I see it all in hindsight
I tried to keep perspective
despitethe flash of the fuse, the smell of cordite

Now I'm in that place again
and I know he can't come in to get me
and someday he will live to regret me
Susan, I can see it now

Oh, Susan--they get to me
they can really be wearying
but he threw me rope and buoy
let me use his decoder ring

there must have been some kind of parade
we kissed for a while to see how it played
and pulled the pin on another grenade

Now I'm in that place again
and I know he can't come in to get me
and someday he will live to regret me
Susan, I can see it now

Oh, Susan, the hope of fusion
is that the halo will reappear
it may be pure illusion
but it's beautiful while it's here

I had some trouble with the goodbye
I checked my Roman candle supply
and watched the vapor trail in the sky

But I'm in that place again
and I know he can't come in to get me
and someday he will live to regret me
Susan, I can see it now

-A. Mann